Wonder…

I didn’t know this Wednesday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day until many of my Facebook friends began posting pictures like this one:

I tried to find the original post and it appears to be from Etsy, but no longer available there.

I tried to find the original post and it appears to be from Etsy, but no longer available there.

That particular picture hit home with me, because I often wonder about a little one who would have turned four this fall.

After miscarrying our first baby at around seven weeks gestation, so much has happened in our lives. So much good – we’ve grown in our marriage and within our extended families. We became certified to be foster parents. We learned how to listen and empathize with others going through similar struggles. And most of all, we were blessed with Little C just when we had made peace with the thought that our family would not grow that way.

But it still, sometimes, catches me by surprise. Almost out of nowhere I will remember, I will wonder, and it still hurts. It’s no longer a gaping, open wound, but the scar still tingles. Learning of someone else losing a baby almost as quickly as they knew it was on the way. Watching Little C play with other children and thinking about her being someone’s little sister. Wearing a necklace with the birthstone that would have belonged to him or her.

I wish this wasn’t such a taboo subject, because I had no idea how many of my friends and even family members had gone though a miscarriage until I had my own. Talking about it is hard but it helps to know you’re not alone even when it can feel very much that way. Life is never the same, but it does get better.

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